The sun streamed through the grimy yellow windows of Ervin’s equally dirty office. It wasn’t really his office, but since the owner seemed to be on a permanent leave, Ervin figured that no-one would really care. It was a nice enough gig; he had his own chair, a multi-storied file cabinet, and a cranky old typewriter, and if you stacked enough paper and puffy foam things in the corner, you had yourself a bed! Too bad that a colony of mice had decided to feast on his shoes and that the roof leaked like a colander. But you can’t have everything in life, especially when it’s free!

With a sigh, Ervin leaned back in the high chair and drummed his fingers against his belly. Work, work, work… Suddenly he could hear some loud, strenuous grunts and heavy thumping coming from outside, followed shortly by someone walking up the cramped stairs with more than a little effort.

Soon there was a gentle knock and Ervin rocked forward to go open the door. He didn’t get far, however, before the door imploded and Lard-ass walked confidently into the room, sporting a dark beige coat and elegant top hat, twirling his black and silver-encrusted cane jovially back and forth. Accompanying him was a huge orc, just shy of eight feet tall, with curly black hair billowing out from everywhere but his generous scalp. Under his tree-trunk arms the orc carried two dwarves, dressed up in what had to be fairy princess costumes. One could only guess, but judging from the dwarves’ stunned expressions, this must have come as rather sudden.

Ervin raised a shocked brow at the newly arrived circus and stuck his pen behind the ear in an effort to appear industrious.

“A little early for fan girls, don’t you think?”

The joke was lost on the ogre, but he seemed happy, anyway. “We found back-up dancers!” Lard-ass roared triumphantly.

Ervin stroked his chin, eyes fixed on Lard-ass’ find. “So I see…”

“Bugh-Bugh, show Mr. Director man.” With a nod from Lard-ass, the furry orc placed the two dwarves on Ervin’s worn desk, patting them both on the head with a grin. The desk creaked ominously, but amazingly enough, the reinforcing books held the old behemoth in place.

Ervin squinted as he leaned forward. “Are they- Where the hell did you find these two?” The smaller of the dwarves twitched and whimpered. “And what have you done to them?!”

Lard-ass’ and Bugh-Bugh’s eyes wavered and wandered, looking at pretty much anything except Ervin’s demanding glare.

“Well, uh… outside…” The two giants followed Ervin’s every move, hoping that this would be enough to placate the great man.

Ervin’s brow furrowed. “Hrm…”

“In a cart?” they ventured carefully.

Ervin nodded, satisfied, and threw his hands up. “Very well, then. That’s enough for me!” A bad thought evidently struck, because Ervin suddenly looked very ill.

Lard-ass blinked, nudging Bugh-Bugh in the side. “Is he going to barf all over them fairies? Because I just found those dresses!”

Bugh-Bugh glared at the ogre and muttered the word ‘found’. “Belongs to my niece, you know!”

Apparently, Ervin had managed to swallow his pale complexion, because now he thumped emphatically against the desk, and yelled: “By Grandma’s fleeting thoughts, I will end up a brainless midget if we don’t find a female lead singer!” He glanced at the dwarves, but shook his head no. “I’m dead!”

As Ervin banged his head against the desk in despair, Bugh-Bugh once again turned to Lard-ass, placing a prodding finger to his chest. “When do I get dresses back?” The harsh poking continued. “When?”

This just wouldn’t do, Lard-ass was the star of the show! No-one went around poking stars in the chest like this! Not that he knew of, anyhow… How did a responsible star resolve this kind of situation? Lard-ass put a prodding finger of his own against Bugh-Bugh’s chest and the thick mat of hair nearly swallowed his meaty fist.

“When prancing fairies are crawling out of big King’s underpants!” Lard-ass contemplated this reply. In retrospect, it might not have been the best of choices.

“Then Bugh-Bugh is your new assistant, because he goes where pink dresses go!” The orc turned sullen and looked away. “Or so says the missus…”

Lard-ass snorted mockingly and laughed as he retrieved his finger. A big grin spread over his bumpy, potato-skinned features, and he began to rock back and forth, leaning against the cane. “Pansy. Lard-ass would never let a woman push him around!”

“You haven’t met my wife!” Bugh-Bugh retorted desperately.

The ogre’s grin remained. “Must be a terrible creature, the wifey.”

Bugh-Bugh snarled, and even though his fist trembled, he didn’t move to slam it into Lard-ass’ face, as was his initial intention. If his grandfather, the raving shaman, was right, Bugh-Bugh’s bat of a wife always struck when you least expected it. Especially when it concerned the old man’s hidden booze.

“Waaah-haah!” The wailing rose higher in the corner, and so did the banging sound.

Lard-ass smiled nastily and leaned forward. “Does the beauty howl when you’re not home before dusk?”

“Like an angel,” Bugh-Bugh replied dryly.

“Doom! Doom! Doom!“ The thumping held the rhythm. ”Ooh…” Suddenly it stopped; it was as if someone had stuffed a sock in the hole of misery and had robbed the world of all its complaint. Like a stone shot from a catapult, Ervin burst out of his chair, clawing his way over the desk, and reached the door in no less than ten powerful strides. It wasn’t that far, but Ervin was a short guy with stubby legs and there were two big louts standing in the way, arguing.

“Out!” he bellowed, and pointed towards the thrashed doorway. “We’re going hunting for another main singer!”

“Hunting!” The greenskins cheered and smashed their heads together in an invigorating head bash. It had to be, seeing as how happy it made them.

“O ye of little wit,” Ervin sighed, “get a move on!”

Bugh-Bugh grabbed the two fairies, and with a “Heave ho!” they flew through an open window. This made Ervin nod in conclusion. Yep, dim as doorknobs! This would be easy…

“Hunting!”

Ervin’s eyes shot wide open as the hulking grunts came thundering towards him; huffing and puffing like two runaway locomotives, they were. Oh, Lawd, have mercy! They grabbed him firmly between them and with a wordless battle cry they crashed through the thin wall, spilling out into the street below, to many pedestrians’ utter disbelief.

But it didn’t stop there.

The very same cart that had saved the careening dwarves from a messy fate, also saved the berserker trio. Lard-ass and Bugh-Bugh bounced off the bales of hay and landed side-by-side in the street.

“Hunting!!!”

The good people didn’t need any further statement, they knew what that meant!

A high-pitched scream cut through the air and then lazy summer idyll turned into chaos and mayhem. The greenskins grabbed a hold of the cart’s yoke, and roaring, they charged forward, dwarves and Ervin flying back and forth in the back, like a couple of limp rag dolls in a box. Onwards they went, driving the screaming crowd in front of them like a pack of sheep to the slaughter!

The charge turned into chaos, chaos turned into rioting, and soon half the city was set ablaze with the news and fires of the Orc Musical! It was a glorious sight! And to think, it only took two fairy dwarves, one hairy orc, a superstar ogre, and a grand, albeit small, musical director.

In a way one could say that this was the greatest moment of the goblin races. It wasn’t a deed filled with heroics and bravery, but it showed their true spirit in its rawest, most unrefined, yet magnificent form.

This would truly be a day to remember.